Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
