am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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