would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
