god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
