so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Someone came in the potted fern
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
