like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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