had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
