Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
