A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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