So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
two words...techno handjob
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize