Your tits are I can't wait for
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
