xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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