shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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