I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
