i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
