mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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