Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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