Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
