Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
