everyone is single if you try hard enough
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
