Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he was CRYING into my vagina
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
