I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
