Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
