She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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