Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
