so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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