My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize