never play flip cup with pint glasses
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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