I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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