Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Randomize
