and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
