so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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