i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
