idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
