are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize