Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
