I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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