That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
