He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
