420 ftw
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
