i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
