Got a toothbrush?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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