the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just want nice things and good sex
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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