So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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