i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
