I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
