you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize