That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
