You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
