to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
