I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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