I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
