he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
