someone threw a dead crab at me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
