Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
