How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
