oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
3pm strippers are depressing
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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