Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
