Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I intend to get homeless drunk
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just invented taco cereal.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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