i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This house was built for laser tag.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
