He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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