So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Terrible idea I love it
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
