My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
