and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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