So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
