You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
