there's paper in my vomit.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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