I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
