What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
