forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hippo gnu deer
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
