puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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