Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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