I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
