ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
