She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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