Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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