Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
