Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
