I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
