just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
