Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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