I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
