Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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