Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
