I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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