I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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