Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
