all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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