It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
