He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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