Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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