My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
