Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
