I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
