last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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