Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
