Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
