***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
