We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
