The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
