Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
