My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
