I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
